Wednesday, May 20, 2009
New Single Above All Clouds and love...
I just felt like sharing a few things about this new single we are releasing from my album Utopia. I was told by various people that this is one of the strongest track from my album and I admit that I like this one in a particular way. It came about rather late in the contruction of my album and somehow, it expresses many themes which are essential parts of my art.
First, most songs are about love anyway and this is no exception. This one for me is about the loss of love or actually, the yearning of that infatuation which happens when we happen to stumble upon "the one". You know, that person who completely redefines what we ever thought or felt about love. What really gets me about love is how little control we have over it. We simply have no say in who we fall in love with and I found that out the hard way a few years back.
I had never loved before and didn't even know what all the fuss was suppposed to be about. Sure, I had a vague idea mostly shown to me through the media in movies, songs and stories... How love transcends everything and sweeps us off our feet or whatever the hell we're supposed to feel. Love seems to be this magic feeling as depicted by endless stories on the subject.
Well, I was going through the motion of my life without ever really thinking about all this and then boom... It fell on me like a ton of bricks. I fell madly, absolutely and totally in love and I hated it. That loss of control, that deep yearning to be with the object of my affection, that constant obession building in my mind... Suffice it to say that it didn't work out and I spent years trying to forget that person ever existed.
I felt trapped by my own thoughts, unable to stop thinking about it all. What was it about that person that felt like a slap in my face? Why was it that I couldn't control my mind into forgetting this debacle and move on? I had always heard that a broken heart makes the best songs and boy, did I totally get it. I spent years building my album and this horrible love failure was the fuel that kept me going at it, as if to exorcize it all out of my mind.
Suffice it to say that to this day, I still feel like I never want to fall in love ever again. The promise of it is always so much more rewarding and pleasant than the reality of it. I guess if two people have the chance to fall in love with someone who reciprocates it, that must feel like heaven. But my theory on love is that it was made by nature to abnegate that selfish streak we all possess to various degrees. Me, me me... Most of us are all a lot more concerned about our own thoughts than anything else.
And yet, here's this very powerful feeling where we totally see our power given to someone else. The object of our affection becomes the only thing we care about, at least while the infatuation lasts. But soon enough, like with everything in life, it gets old and we are supposed to move on from the euphoria. That rupture happens a lot sooner for those of us like me who have the misfortune of falling in love with a person who doesn't love us back. That one stings like hell and I had to work on my self-esteem for years before I was able to finally come to the point where I could live fully again.
Now that's it's mostly all behind me, releasing Above All Clouds reminded me why I created Utopia, both the movie and album in the first place. The power of the illusion is always so much more beautiful in my mind than any reality. Which is precisely why I was always attracted to showbiz so strongly.
True, even though I have been working on making my mark since I was 7 years old, success never came. At least commercial success, the big kind. Sure, I got a few accolades here and there but mostly, I am like so many million others who strive to get a share of the pie but somehow, never seem to connect on a large scale with the public.
And as I am reflecting on Above All Clouds the video which was featuring in my short movie Utopia, I was also reminded how difficult it was for me to construct images to accompany my songs. As my team and I release my different videos and songs on the net, we all come in contact with a lot of great material from other artists. And I must admit that it's always very humbling.
My videos were all made on a shoestring budget. And when I say shoestring, I mean so ridiculously low that the entire budget of Utopia wouldn't even cover one day of catering on any medium Hollywood Production. And it shows. I must admit that I cringe everytime I see one of my videos because the lack of money is always so painfully obvious to my eyes. Especially when I compare with so many great things out there, most of them done with a lot more money than my own.
The net is great because it allows anyone to pretty much distribute anything they make. But the flip side of that is the fact that we now are in competition with pretty much every artist at large, including the big ones who have more money than God. They can shoot slick, gorgeously produced videos which can knock the socks off anyone watching them. My videos are like amateur clumsy attempts in trying to express what I feel and think about so many aspects of life.
Mind you, I am still very proud of all my videos because I did what I could with what I had. If I had waited to get proper funding to shoot anything, I would still be waiting most likely. I always preferred doing anything with the money I had than nothing. And with Calvin and Gabe (my two partners at MoonDaze Productions) helping me, we managed to build decent videos to illustrate my songs as best as we could.
But now that we are looking for ways to build new material including a new album and plenty of new videos, I am reminded of how difficult it is to find money, especially in this new world where the economy is melting faster than butter under the Californian sun. The dilemma is still there. Should I wait to get more money or should I proceed and produce new material with all the compromise still having to be made because of a lack of funds?
I will always choose to do something instead of waiting my whole life in the slim chance I might finally get more money to transpose my creative impulses on the screen. But everytime I actually produce something, the sting of knowing that it could be so much better with just a bit more money is always there. And the critics always remind me of that.
I consciously try never to read any reviews whatsoever for that very reason. I still stumble upon a few here and there but Calvin and Gabe always remind me never to let myself be tempted. Because even though critics might often have good points, most of their criticism is negative by nature. People love to rip someone else's work to shreds, that's human nature. But when the artist reads something negative about their art, it's never constructive. It's mostly paralyzing. We feel like never doing anything ever again because it hurts too much.
I had to fight that urge to just stop every day of my life and it gets worse when the work is confronted to the public. And now with the net, everyone is a critic really so most of them won't think twice about totally destroying someone else's art. It's their prerogative and I've been guilty of that as well myself. But personally, I just have to not be aware of it as much as possible so I can still continue on creating my art.
And yes, without money, my new videos won't be much better than the ones I've done already. There is a limit one has when money is in short supply. Sure, the mighty dollar doesn't create a genius but it sure can help a person do the best possible job. And I just wish that once, I could actually put on the screen what my imagination can create and not settle for something a lot inferior dictated by a lack of appropriate fundings. But unless I make it big at some point in the future, it ain't gonna happen.
But I also know that at least, what I am doing will survive and might end up being appreciated by a few people. Sure, compared to any major act, my videos look very very low budget as they are. But in a sense, I also know that paying my dues is also that. Creating something out of nothing and wishing for the best while learning through the process. That's what matters most, learning and finetuning my craft for as long as I can. And I am sure I will do just that so I totally take comfort in this fact. But I just wish it didn't hurt so much when I hear someone criticize any part of my creative outlets. It burns like hell and stings like lemon juice in your eye but I guess that's the way it has to be.
Breck Stewart Official Site: breckstewart.com
Posted by Breck Stewart at 16:13 · 0 comment
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